Saturday, October 25, 2008

Nike Women's Marathon Winner Doesn't Win

NORMALLY, IN A FOOT RACE, THE FIRST PERSON TO CROSS THE FINISH LINE IN THE FASTEST TIME IS THE WINNER. SURPRISINGLY, LAST SUNDAY, AT THE NIKE WOMEN’S MARATHON IN SAN FRANCISCO, THIS WASN’T THE CASE.

ARIEN O’CONNELL, A 24-YEAR-OLD FIFTH GRADE TEACHER FROM NEW YORK CITY, FINISHED THE MARATHON IN 2 HOURS AND 55 MINUTES, ELEVEN MINUTES FASTER THAN THE FIRST PLACE TROPHY WINNER.

SO, HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN, ONE WORD -- 'ELITE'. ALL THE 'ELITE' RUNNERS STARTED THE RACE 20 MINUTES AHEAD OF EVERYONE ELSE. BECAUSE OF HER MODESTY, O'CONNELL DID NOT DECLARE HERSELF AN ELITE RUNNER, WHICH COST HER THE TITLE.

ON MONDAY, TANYA LOPEZ, A NIKE SPOKESPERSON SAID, "AT THIS POINT, WE'VE DECLARED OUR WINNER.

IT LOOKS LIKE, O'CONNELL WILL BE GOING BACK TO NEW YORK EMPTY HANDED, BUT AT LEAST SHE WILL HAVE THE SATISFACTION OF KNOWING SHE WAS THE FASTEST WOMAN THAT SUNDAY MORNING.

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1 comment:

camccune said...

I like the approach you're taking in your lead, but you need to tighten it up:

NORMALLY, IN A FOOT RACE, THE PERSON WITH THE FASTEST TIME IS THE WINNER. BUT THAT WASN’T THE CASE LAST SUNDAY AT THE NIKE WOMEN’S MARATHON IN SAN FRANCISCO.

Then start a new paragraph to provide the specifics of O'Connell's story.

I'd put O'Connell's age in later so it doesn't bog things down.

The rest works nicely, but make your paragraphs shorter: just one or two sentences per paragraph. Oh, and your quote needs an ending quote mark.

13/15

November 1, 2008 at 8:20 PM

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