A tourist couple was robbed at gunpoint while taking pictures from the parking lot at St. Mary’s Cathedral, yesterday.
According to the police, the victim’s names were Wei Ming Chen, 28, and his wife Li Liu, 30. The victims described the man as about 18 years old, wearing a black jacket and a cap. After taking $100, their Visa card, passports and tickets the thief took off running on foot.
The police are looking for him.
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2 comments:
Good lead! Just a couple minor tweaks: A tourist couple was robbed at gunpoint yesterday while taking photos in the parking lot at St. Mary’s Cathedral.
You don't need to say "According to the police, the victim’s names were...." Just start with their names and tell me what happened.
Remember, a hard news story should be written in inverted pyramid format. So after you identify the victims in paragraph 2, go with the most important info next (a robber waving a gun and demanding money, what got taken), then give the less important info (the description of the robber, especially since it doesn't tell us much).
7.5/10
On second thought, that was a good lead, so let's make it 8/10. But the rest of the story still needs work.
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